A while ago I wrote a piece about what women needed to know about men that could help strengthen their relationship with their partner. Turn about is fair play and so here is a list of ten important things that men need to be reminded of or perhaps are being informed of for the first time that could certainly help strengthen their relationships with their wives, girl friends or partners.
Gentlemen. I understand that we are under attack from many sides and this is a time where confusion and irrational demands and expectations abound. I also understand why we get upset with women in general, why we tend to want to hang on to some of the ‘old ways’ regarding some of our view points and we can be quite unreasonable when it comes to what we expect from our partners. Having said that we still need to understand that women are people too. They have needs as we do. They want to be understood as we do. They want to be treated as though they matter-that they count as we do. Women want to be seen as having value and importance just as we do. So why is it that so many men feel the need to hang on to the idea that only our needs matter and that women should just understand that that is the way it is. If we as men want to hang onto our families and our freedoms we had better learn how to ‘share the sand box’ with our mates and that they are just as important as we are.
I asked a good friend of mine to create a list of all the things that she feels are important for men to know or remember about their female counterparts. These are things that, if present in a relationship, could make a great difference in the quality of that union. I put together a list of 10 things that we can do right now that doesn’t endanger our egos or threaten our existence, as men, here on the planet:
These are taken from a list that was prepared by Dr. Anne Marie Evers-a friend and colleague. Check out her web site to see all that she is involved in. She has done some amazing things to help others.
- Don’t feel as though you have to fix my problems. Just be quiet and listen. That’s it. If anything more is required I’ll ask you to provide some input or feedback.
- I need ‘me’ time just as much as men do and that could mean spending time with my female friends doing whatever I feel like doing. I need to know that our kids will be looked after and that I won’t be coming home to a mess that I will be expected to take care of.
- When we walk together try walking with me and not ahead of me. And look like you really want to be with me–hold my hand or put your arm around me. Pull out my chair for me and treat me like I am someone special in your life.
- Don’t talk over me or interrupt me when I am speaking. I have things that are important to say as well. These things are important to me like an opinion or an idea or a point of view.
- Be considerate and give me a break. I may have had a tough day too and don’t feel like having sex. Try some loving kindness and some help around the house.
- I do not need nor will I accept jealousy or control tactics as a behavior.
- Drop the road rage routine. It is not manly and it is scary. The other driver can’t hear your language but I can and I am tired of listening to it.
- Don’t embarrass me in public or in private for that matter by making lewd remarks or ogling other women in front of me and our friends. It is never funny-just crude, insensitive and uncaring.
- I don’t expect you to be perfect. No one is–not even me.
- Never compare me to others. We are all different. The grass could appear greener on the other side of the fence but it could also turn out to be artificial turf.
So there you have it, gentlemen. If harmony and respect is part of what you are seeking in a relationship this is a great way to get that journey started. There are many more suggestions as well. I’ll pass more along every once in a while.
All the best, Jim
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Truth Talkin’ Thursday:
Jane and I discussed the difference between praise and encouragement when speaking to our kids. Parents often get them mixed up and they are not the same. With the best of intentions, parents can actually do some harm by using praise as a way of trying to get our kids to do their best. Check it out by going to u-tube and typing in ‘Truth Talkin Thursday’: Episode 44
What I didn’t have a chance to offer to the discussion were these four points: These are what are not helpful to our kids–the ‘don’t do’s. These are often done with the right intentions but not so good outcomes.
- Don’t compare your child to some other kids who do things better or with more success. They don’t want to hear how ‘Billy stands when hitting the ball.’
- Don’t over protect. For instance, if he/she is trying to learn how to ride a bike make sure they have the right equipment and let them go. Running along beside them to catch them when they fall says that you don’t believe in their ability to learn how to do it. Pick them up, dust them off, give them a hug tell them that you love them and encourage them to keep going.
- Understand that praising is more about social control than it is about helping them to be all they can be because of their effort and desire to get better. It can’t be because they will feel you will have more love for them if they succeed. Don’t make it about you.
- Remember it is your child’s effort and his/her ability to solve their problems and excel because of what they learned by their own experiences and NOT how their successes make YOU feel.
Praise is about rewards. Usually based on competition. He/she is looking for your acceptance. Your acceptance is the reward.
Encouragement is about recognizing effort and improvement. It’s about the child feeling worthy.
Music Video For The Week:
This is what I hope our young ones have to deal with right now. This is the life they deserve and not the one that is unfolding before our eyes with two ego maniacal ‘punk kids’-one in North Korea and the other living in the U.S.-playing with toys much bigger than anyone can imagine. They play with the world’s future as if it were their own. I thought we were better than this. Have we learned nothing about dictators and buffoons? What is more shameful is that the Republicans and the Chinese could end this tomorrow but seemingly choose not to. Wow!