Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode #69

Well Jane and I get into it talking about Truth–what is it? How do we know when we hear it? Why is it important anyway? These are questions that we NEED to have answers for so that when our children come looking for answers ad explanations and they ask about a guy who always lied about everything what is it we are going to tell them. It seems as though the truth has diminishing value in todays world–how sad. What can we do?  Tune in for the rest of our conversation by clicking o the link below and think about what you add to the conversation.  Connect with us about your thoughts at  OR


The “Me Too” Thing Is Wearing Me Down . . .

Just to make the point–do we understand that by their 18th birthdays 1 in 4 females will likely have been sexually abused. Also disturbing is 1 in 6 males will likely have been sexually abused–by a female perpetrator. I mentioned this only because it is wrong to assume that it is only men who assault EVERYONE else. It is abhorrently wrong in either and any case. I hope that we can all agree to this fact.

I was tuned in to a late night news show last week and one of the guests-a female guest-said something that I fully understood and totally agreed with. She said, “enough of the public outings.” Could all the people who have been assaulted please come forward at the same time. She went on to say that there needs to be another kind of process put in place where justice is done and the assaulted women (no men have come forward yet to join the growing line of people) have a chance to say, very clearly and without fear, how they were treated years ago and how the effects of that crime changed their lives. Assault of this kind, apparently, has happened or is happening in almost every walk of life. We are seeing men being accused from the entertainment world, the music world, which isn’t surprising to me, sports figures, business and spiritual realms. It seems like people aren’t safe no matter where they go and no matter who they are around. It got me to thinking about what is the true motivator that is driving this whole movement. I understand the freedom to speak part. I can see the how threat of disclosing the “secret” could end their career before it started and so the victims remain quiet, I understand the relief and the attempts to vanquish the horrible dark experiences that haunt some folks to this day. But I can’t help but think that revenge plays a large part for some in speaking out and the gratification of regaining some semblance of control after all this time.

My concern is that the rule of law seems to be passed by in many cases. As unfair as it may be regarding the behaviour and the seeming disregard for people’s human rights the law is still the law today. Many people have not been formally charged or had any time in a court of law. Many have not had a chance to describe their side of the story. I’m not naive enough to believe that every person who denies culpability is actually not guilty. But if we start to believe that anyone who denies guilt must be guilty then what’s the point of having a legal system in the first place. It is supposed to be a place that allows each to state their piece and then an independent body of jurists tries to determine who is guilty or not guilty based on evidence. Sometimes I think this would be a good spot for lie detector test. What compounds the problem is it has always been argued that old crimes prove to be very challenging because evidence disappears or witnesses pass on.

My greater concern is that there is so much collateral damage done when people are found guilty by public opinion before due process has been done. For example: John Doe, when a younger man, perpetrated a crime of assault 20 years prior. He did it on one occasion and has not been involved in anything like that since. He goes on to have a successful career, gets married and has three kids. He has always been a good father and partner. Unfortunately those credentials don’t mitigate the circumstances. He is outed in public and because of the rush to be seen as doing the right thing he is terminated from his job, his wife becomes a person non-grata and his kids are now a target socially and at school. These people had nothing to do with what went on and yet their lives are permanently altered for life as well as the father’s. The father’s–OK but the others didn’t have a choice in the matter. They are guilty by association and nothing more.

So how does the victim of 20 years prior get her justice, which she deserves, and have a chance to live her life with more dignity and respect for herself ? If we continue to find guilty those who have been accused but not had a chance to address their accuser in a court of law our democracy, in my mind, is and will be called into question. Another way must be decided upon wherein ALL people are granted the same rights. Remember as well that there is a strong possibility one of the accused is truly innocent of all charges–but who and in which case?

If someone is found guilty by a group of their peers then they get what is deserved as well. Having said that if I knew that someone had assaulted my mother or wife or daughter the world would not be big enough for a perpetrator to hide in. But I would have to know they are guilty.

In closing would or could someone please explain to me how an ill suited low life like Trump can strut around like some peacock bragging about how he has assaulted many women yet he escapes the legal consequences and makes a mockery of the US legal system every day. How is he truly above the law. It astounds me even more how any self respecting woman could vote for him and sleep at night.

Anyways, that’s how I see things.

All the best, and thanks for stopping by—Jim

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Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode 68

Jane and I got busy with the topic of “balance” Why is it important? What is it? How do you know if/when you have attained it? Jane and I differ somewhat about what it is all about–my thoughts, among others, were that if you have to think about what it is then maybe you don’t have it yet. Balance is something that suits you and you know you have it when you feel stress free, anger free, anxiety free and free from panic. For the rest of the story please click on the link below and catch up–thanks for stopping by

Is It A Porn Addiction Or A Sex Addiction?


Coming to a house near yours: Certainly not the newest but one of the most harmful addictions to hit the public streets in quite awhile. Addictions to pornography and sex are insidious. No one is immune so don’t be naive enough to think that “that would never happen to anyone I know.” In all likelihood it probably has. I don’t mean to sound like an alarmist and I don’t want to be a fear monger. However, you need to listen and read what I am about to post. Believe it when I say to you–“you need to know this stuff and understand how it could very well happen to someone in your family–even you.” If it does what would you do?

In order to be on the look out and understand more about sex addictions and porn addictions you need to understand that not all porn addictions are the same. In fact unless you know the differences between a sex addiction and a porn addiction you will really struggle trying to figure out how or if you want to help your loved one in some way.

To indicate how ingrained sex and porn are in our lives here are some basics you need to be aware of:

  1. Pornography is not just a man’s issue any longer if it ever was. Some of the latest research and statistical information shows that 25-30% of viewers or participants are women who are into either pornography or are struggling with a sex addiction. That number is slowly rising and one group that is paying more attention to sex and porn sites are teen age girls. Sorry ladies but it is difficult to point that long pointy finger in our direction any more.
  2. Considering all the searches made on the Internet each day 68,000,000 are porn related
  3. US Internet porn sites generate 2.8 billion dollars per year. Considering world wide sites that figure jumps to 4.9 billion dollars per year.
  4. 40,000,000 million Americans are regular site viewers
  5. 12% of sites available on the Internet are porn related. That is 24,644,172 sites currently (give or take a few hundred thousand)
  6. Teens are regular viewers with the youngest age group beginning to gain more than a passing interest 10-11 years of age

The key to treating, helping or supporting someone who is addicted to porn or sex is to know that they are very different from each other. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING AND THEREFORE CANNOT BE TREATED THE SAME WAY.   

There are three very fundamental principles that must be accepted before going any further here:

  1.  There is no “cure’ for a sex addiction but sex addicts can enjoy a normal satisfying relationship with a partner.
  2.  Using a 12 step approach to “treat” a sex addict is not a very useful or helpful approach. Why? Because the goal for the sex addict is not abstinence or celibacy but rather to work to create a loving environment where a sexual relationship is possible with his/her partner. 12 step programs are abstinence based–they are regressive by design meaning that abstinence is the goal. The alcoholic needs to stop drinking. The gambler needs to stop gambling. The sex addict doesn’t have to stop having sex but needs to be enjoying it with his partner.
  3. The best most constructive help and support a partner can provide for the addict is a clear understanding and having the knowledge to see the two addictions as separate and not similar. If you can do that your role in the program will be much easier-not easy-easier and a great deal less frustrating.

So what is the basic difference between a sex addict and a porn addict.

As we can see there is there is quite a difference between a sexual addiction and being addicted to pornography. A porn addiction is centered around the creation of a fantasy world in which the addicted person is the central character and he/she controls what happens, with whom and how. It is a world that is very difficult for partners to deal with because no matter how great the real life sex is between partners, the “imagined” outcome of a porn fantasy experience will usually be better. It is very difficult to compete against an imaginary experience. Someone who is sexually addicted is living in a “real life” situation. His/her addiction manifests itself with real life people or circumstances. Some characteristics of a sexual addiction would include sex with prostitutes, anonymous sexual partners, high-risk sexual activities, voyeurism, multiple sexual partners, sex with a partner soon after finishing with another partner, feeling out of control, being in a depressed state, obsessive sexual thoughts and being unable to control those thoughts, and constant self-stimulation to name a few.

This has the potential to be a very serious in-your-house situation and not just with your partner. Your kids could be at risk too. Some folks would tell you that sex or pornography addictions are harder to shake than a powerful drug addiction. Don’t believe for a minute that this could not reach you and your family.

Anyway that’s how I see things. All the best, Jim

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Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode #67

Greetings Fellow Earthlings: This week Jane and I decided to chat about “respect.” What is it?  Do we have a realistic explanation for what it is and means? More disagreements, arguments, and violence are acted out because of seemingly “disrespecting” something or someone. One of my points in defence of my position was that if we are going to use the word then we should know what it means before we put it out there. It is possible for us to be dismayed or upset with something that someone does but still respect them. For more check out our discussion by clicking the link (arrow) below. Thanks for stopping by. Comments can be made to me at  or to Jane at:

All the best, JIm

My, My-Times Have Certainly Changed In 5 Years . . .

 Considering how things have been going lately I thought this article I wrote 4 1/2 years ago might be interesting to consider or re-consider using the lens of today. I’m not picking sides here but things have changed and the rules have changed and no one told us (Men that is). Common decency aside for a moment and the “It’s about time moment”–folks need to get their thinking together and decide how things are going to be. Once that’s done someone should break the news that things have changed. Check the date of the article.

What were they thinking. . . ?

Now that I’ve had a chance to think about this I find myself asking “what were they thinking?”
I have to admit that I am really confused about what the Y.U.N. chant thing was all about. But the big question for me was what the hell were these future pillars of society thinking about when they advocated the legalization of rape and child molestation? If they were trying to be challenging and controversial the only thing that has been accomplished here is the confirmation that supporters of this idea are not only misguided and bored but border on being misogynistic.

The main concern for me and the part that has me very confused is the number of females who were right in there supporting the whole premise. It didn’t seem to bother them that they were backing the idea that it is perfectly OK to force a young girl to have sex whether she wants to or not. So how young is too young? I mean under age is just that isn’t it? So when is it OK to feed alcohol to a 12 year old to the point where she is not aware or able to cry out for help? What ever happened to the arguments that women have been putting up for years now that say they and they alone are the arbiters of what they decide to do with their bodies? These young women who have supported this lunacy have set that whole discussion back to the stone ages. Truly now, if this was their sister we are talking about would they really feel the same way? Would they be ‘all for it’? And where are the women’s groups? I haven’t heard a great deal of criticism or dialogue involving those who have been advocating a ‘different’ deal for women.At the very least a clear statement of some kind speaking about respect and equality. Even just a touch of outrage.

And the men-I can’t call them men. Are the males who support this so challenged and so unable to attract and develop a sexual relationship with someone who is functioning, emotionally, at about the same level that they need to pick on young girls who really are not equipped with the critical thinking that goes along with giving permission to share themselves with someone else in a meaningful way? As a man, I’m embarrassed to say that this whole idea is about the same as reducing sex to scratching an itch on their ass. It is a conquest and a power-grab not an emotional act of any kind. This type of behavior is what clearly illustrates the growing lack of respect for self and others that seems to be so prevalent in the youth of today.

I have an adult son and daughter. My son and his wife have blessed us with a beautiful granddaughter. She’s two years old. If what this chant is promoting ever happened to either daughter or granddaughter, at any age, and I were to confront the perpetrators I would not report them. I might, however, bind their testicles with a liberal piece of piano wire secured to the bumper of my car and let them know that for as long as they can run they can keep them attached.

Perhaps a bit radical but then again so is this absurd idea that it’s OK to take what you can regardless of how the other person feels about things.

That’s how I see it anyway, All the best, Jim

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Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode #66

Join Jane and I as we tackle the questions of: “How much is enough?” and “What are you prepared to do or give up in order to get more of anything? So many of us are not sure about how much is enough and so we continue to work overtime every chance we can thinking or believing that we are doing something wonderful in pursuit of more money or more “points” with the boss or to gain more influence in your social group. Sometimes it means sacrificing time with family or friends. Some just want to have more of everything so that they can feel as though they are somehow better than others who have less. Most importantly we need to have an idea of how much is enough so that we know when we have arrived at whatever place in society or life you wanted to reach for whatever that reason may be.

Catch up with what Jane and I think about this life changing question and it is one of those questions that can truly alter the course of someones life once the answer is known.

How Much Is Enough? . . . The Answer is More Important Than you Know

Unfortunately many who read this will, first off, go right to the topic of money. It is , for many, their “raison d’etre”-their reason to be. The following is the first of two questions. I would like to ask those who will read this: How much money is enough?  That question lies at the heart of so much of our sadness, anger, envy and our call to greed. In my mind our preoccupation with accumulating wealth and making sure we have “enough” of it is what keeps us from finding the very thing that we believe it will provide–when we have enough of it. Things like peace, serenity, fairness, love, truth and so on. So how much would actually be enough for you? Could any of us have too much money or believe that we will need more than we can earn? The stress and expectations connected with acquiring wealth is enormous. I have mentioned on more than one occasion that money can’t by class and it can’t purchase happiness either. It can purchase comfort but that’s it. And yet it is, for many, the reason they get up in the morning. So many people dedicate their lives to get it so that they have enough and forfeit much of their lives in pursuit of it. How many people do you know who pursue money so they could be benevolent-so that they could be benefactors? No-me either. They started out to gather as much as they could then a few became benefactors. Again many become benefactors so that they can protect more of their money through tax savings. It was not their primary goal in life and they still concentrate on making more. Don’t get me wrong–making sure that comforts and necessities are taken care of and families and their needs are met is important and we should strive for those goals. But!–How much is enough?

So how much power would be enough? How much influence would be enough? How much honesty would be enough? Could someone be too honest? What would be the goal of having enough of anything? since we can’t say how much of anything would be enough. If we don’t know how much is enough how will we know when we get there? Is this more about ego than chasing an ideal?

This is the situation so many of us find ourselves in. We push and we struggle to have enough of what we don’t know the answer to. It is the source of our greed, our mismanaged lives, our anger, and resentments. More importantly it can be why we try to limit what others are doing so they won’t gain on us or take advantage of an opportunity before we have a chance to do the same. We live looking in a rear view mirror. We will be OK supporting those who don’t threaten what it is WE feel we need more of not knowing what or how much that is.

When I stopped to look at this through a different lens I recognized that people are actually capable of driving themselves into the mental health abyss.

The other question that needs to be asked is “what would you do to get it?” What would you sacrifice? What have you sacrificed until now? What would you give up? Your family? your health? your conscience? your morals and values?

I admire those folks who know exactly what they want and when they achieve it they move on to the next challenge. They are not driven by the unknown. They seem to live longer and more fulfilling lives. Good for them.

Anyways, that’s how I see it

Thanks for stopping by and all the best to you, Jim

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Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode #65

Greetings-This week Jane and I take on the current buzz about “speaking you own truth.” Many are speaking out for the first time talking about speaking their own truth and how liberating it is to be able to do that without fear of reprisal. It is vital that people feel supported and ready to talk about who they are-what they think and feel-to tell the truth about their lives. Many are still living with doubt and did they do the right thing by hiding or trying to bury their experiences and their beliefs.

Jane and I weigh in on this conversation with our own thoughts. To catch some of our “truths” double click the link below and then send us an email telling us what YOU think.  Reach Jane at   OR  me at We really would like to hear what YOU have to say. Thanks for stopping by.

To Be Or Not To Be . . . Why This Should Matter To You

” I love you” are likely the most misunderstood words to be strung together since language became important. This phrase has caused more grief and sadness and has brought more joy and happiness than most other statements made. What does the word love mean? How do you describe love? It’s much like trying to describe what a cherry tastes like. Can’t be done. But most everyone who walks the planet says or suggests they they “love” someone without really knowing what that means. People talk about loving their pets or a song. Really! The problem is most of us have our own understanding of what the word “love” means but not really knowing what it means to others. We just assume that it means the same to others as well. When our expectations regarding what it means to us aren’t met relationships tend to end or are seriously altered in some way and not always for the best.

Back when this declaration of “love”, for me, was primarily connected to hope, fervour, and fascination with someone else’s physical attributes. Sex was also something that, for many, was shared as one way of demonstrating “love” for a partner. The point is that sex was and still is an integral part of developing and maintaining that “loving feeling” human beings have for one another. But what happens to a relationship when the sex stops or is infrequent? When we are young we fall in love with a Hollywood image. It is often based solely on “looks” and when the looks change or begin to fail so does the passion and the closeness of the relationship. Just look at the rise of divorce rates and the instances of common-law relationships. Much of this change has to do with babies and boredom.

There are many “senior” relationships which survive all of this and enjoy a closeness, a respect, and a “love” that defies description. Perhaps it’s because they truly are “in love” with that special person they met a long time ago. I still haven’t come across any senior who can tell me what love really is or feels like but there is a twinkle in their eyes that says they got it.

Unfortunately there are many seniors who are unable to enjoy sex any longer. There are some who are relieved and some who see that inability as a sign of old age-that life is passing them by much too quickly. Not being able to enjoy sex for many is a sadness that deeply affects them. ( I plan to write a piece about this later on) It affects their self esteem and messes with their mental health. It is in our best interests to learn how to enjoy our partners and maintain our interests in our relationship with them without having sex.

I have put together a few ideas that some might find helpful.

  1. One of the things that we often share is the same sense of humour.  Even the young have to come up for air once in a while and so having a common sense of humour is most important for them. They wouldn’t stay together long without it. It is the same for seniors. They enjoy laughing together and finding they still have a common interest in what makes them laugh. It is a commonality that connects them and is special to them.
  2. One of the most exasperating things is to constantly be corrected by your partner and for you to do the same to them. As we age our minds will start to slip a bit, our hearing becomes a bit more taxed and our memories will also be challenged a bit more. To be reminded of these deficits is never pleasant to hear. No one needs to be keeping score about who is right or wrong more often than the other. Someone once said-“and he exercised his right to be considerate and kept his mouth shut.”   Real solid advice.
  3. Don’t be afraid to catch your “honey” under some mistletoe at Christmas or to steal a hug in public. I saw a beautiful couple the other day, I’d guess in their late seventies, walking along all dressed up in their winter gear.  As they approached what looked like a slippery patch on the sidewalk, the first thing he did when they got a bit closer was to grab for her hand to make sure she didn’t slip or fall. Kindness with no thought of reward still works really well to say how much someone cares. Try it. It feels good.
  4. Do nice things for each other. Most can still hold a door open for the other. It’s a show of respect and kindness for the other and not an imagined weakness. Screw the politically correct and the feminists. Since when did being considerate get pushed off to the side like a piece of trash. Try making a cup of tea or something as a surprise for the other. It says, “I was thinking about you sweetheart.”
  5. Always be on the lookout for something new to do that you both can enjoy learning more about–together.

Our relationships become dramatically more important as we move through time. Sometimes it gets down to deciding whether or not you want your last vision to be that of someone you “loved” or being alone because you didn’t pay attention to the really important things in your life.

Anyways, that’s how I see things.

All the best, Jim                      

(Disclaimer: the photo resource was used for education, research, or critical purposes only. I derive no financial benefit from the use of these images.)

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