Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode 44

 

Truth Talkin’ Thursday:

Jane and I discussed the difference between praise and encouragement when speaking to our kids. Parents often get them mixed up and they are not the same. With the best of intentions, parents can actually do some harm by using praise as a way of trying to get our kids to do their best.

What I didn’t have a chance to offer to the discussion were these four points: These are what are not helpful to our kids–the ‘don’t do’s. These are often done with the right intentions but not so good outcomes.

  1. Don’t compare your child to some other kids who do things better or with more success. They don’t want to hear how ‘Billy stands when hitting the ball.’
  2. Don’t over protect. For instance, if he/she is trying to learn how to ride a bike make sure they have the right equipment and let them go. Running along beside them to catch them when they fall says that you don’t believe in their ability to learn how to do it. Pick them up, dust them off, give them a hug tell them that you love them and encourage them to keep going.
  3. Understand that praising is more about social control than it is about helping them to be all they can be because of their effort and desire to get better. It can’t be because they will feel you will have more love for them if they succeed. Don’t make it about you.
  4. Remember it is your child’s effort and his/her ability to solve their problems and excel because of what they learned by their own experiences and NOT how their successes make YOU feel.

Praise is about rewards. Usually based on competition. He/she is looking for your acceptance. Your acceptance is the reward.  

Encouragement is about recognizing effort and improvement. It’s about the child feeling worthy.

What I didn’t have a chance to offer to the discussion were these four points: These are what are not helpful to our kids–the ‘don’t do’s. These are often done with the right intentions but not so good outcomes.

  1. Don’t compare your child to some other kids who do things better or with more success. They don’t want to hear how ‘Billy stands when hitting the ball.’
  2. Don’t over protect. For instance, if he/she is trying to learn how to ride a bike make sure they have the right equipment and let them go. Running along beside them to catch them when they fall says that you don’t believe in their ability to learn how to do it. Pick them up, dust them off, give them a hug tell them that you love them and encourage them to keep going.
  3. Understand that praising is more about social control than it is about helping them to be all they can be because of their effort and desire to get better. It can’t be because they will feel you will have more love for them if they succeed. Don’t make it about you.
  4. Remember it is your child’s effort and his/her ability to solve their problems and excel because of what they learned by their own experiences and NOT how their successes make YOU feel.

Praise is about rewards. Usually based on competition. He/she is looking for your acceptance. Your acceptance is the reward.  

Encouragement is about recognizing effort and improvement. It’s about the child feeling worthy.

All the best, and thanks for dropping by, Jim

Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode 43

Well, Jane and I went off to do battle with the forces of Mother Nature and of course, she won. We were headed down to Balls Falls just above Vineland to continue with our tour of the Niagara Peninsula when we encountered an amazing and quite violent thunderstorm. As we were caught in the middle of it with no shelter and nowhere to hide we continued on to the conference center at Balls Falls to seek some relief even though we were both soaked to the skin. While there we decided we might as well do our clip for the day and discussed how sometimes the best-made plans can go awry and there is nothing to do but decide whether or not we will let it slide and enjoy just being alive or if we would let it ruin the rest of our day because we hung on to something that we had no control over.

Notice the lovely outfit that Jane is wearing–fashions by Walmart I believe it’s called.  We decided to joke about what happened and . . .

Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode 41

Today Jane and I rode out to Grimsby, On and spent some time walking along the edge of the escarpment. Beautiful day, great ride and an interesting conversation about the importance of being and feeling connected to the world and people around us. Now we need to continue to find ways to strengthen our feelings of being connected. It will keep us healthier and provide more motivation to join with society. That choice is ours to make whenever we decide it is time. Understand that other people cannot make us happy. Enjoy–

 

Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode 39

This week Jane and I took our little show and tell on the road to cruise the Niagara Parkway on our motorcycles. When we stopped along the Parkway we got chatting about riding and the ‘draw’ that we feel when we get out there. There really is no explaining what the feeling is all about but if you want to gain an idea of some kind check out our discussion by clicking on the link below.

Thanks for stopping by–happy riding to all who enjoy–as the saying goes:” be sure to stay right side up”–Jim

 

 

Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode 38

Jane and I talk about the recent Pride Parade in Toronto and our Prime Ministers appearance in the parade. There was also a rumor flying around–we’ll call it ‘fake news’ that our PM was brandishing a joint during the parade. I know not if that was true but the question came up that IF that was true . . . would that have been OK.  I, of course, blurted out an emphatic NO–NO it would not have been OK. Jane, on the other hand, thought if would have been alright. Click on the image below to hear the rest of the discussion-all the best, Jim.

Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode 36

Jane and I started an interesting conversation on the subject of how many people give up much too quickly when having to accept a new way of living their lives, or a new crisis of some kind that could interfere with their ‘life plans’. My point was that instead of ‘capitulating’-giving in we need to learn how to adapt to our new circumstances so that we can still have most of what we set out to have or enjoy. So we discuss some simple ways of doing that. It’s like any other skill–it takes imagination and practice.

Check out the clip below for the rest of the story, all the best, Jim

Comments can find us at jim.lifechoice@gmail.com  OR  jimcloughley.com   or jterdik@hotmail.com OR janeterdik.com

Truth Talkin’ Thursday: Episode 35

Greetings: This week Jane and I discuss the age old issue of managing change–choosing to adapt to new situations or changes in our lives as opposed to just giving in or giving up feeling victimized. Often times folks just don’t want to fight the system any longer because they feel they can’t win anyway so what’s the point. The point is the difference between feeling as though you have some power by learning how to adapt and just giving up-capitulating.

To hear the rest of the discussion just click on the link below–enjoy

Comments welcome at: jim.lifechoice@gmail.com   OR   jterdik@hotmail.com

 

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