Now that the ‘Mother’s Day’ celebration is gone for another year it didn’t take some folks long to get back to the topic of Do dads matter? I would like to say, emphatically, that yes, we certainly do. Why wouldn’t we matter? To me this is such a dumb question to put out there. Those who are saying ‘no’ need to get over themselves, drop the ‘sainthood’ role, and pull their heads out of wherever they have been for the past while. There also seems to be a great deal of assumption flying around that ‘dads’ are the bad guys–that we are the ones who shouldn’t be single parents looking after our kids without someone watching us to make sure we don’t mess up.
Before I continue I want to be clear. I don’t see all co-parents as horrible parents. There are many great parents who are doing a terrific job as responsible parents. There are many that aren’t doing such a good job. There are many great single parents-both male and female who are doing a great job of raising their kids with values, morals and helping to instill a great attitude about where they fit into the world. There are many who aren’t doing such a great job. This is for all of those parents who aren’t doing it as well as they could and there are, unfortunately, many who fit into this category.
Just to make the point that there seems to be a great deal of research available suggesting that Mom’s are just about as likely to abuse their kids as males are and in some cases (considering particular types of abuse) perhaps more so. I don’t place a great deal of stock in ‘research’ since good ‘researchers’ can make the numbers say just about anything they want them to say and they often don’t point out the variables that were considered or not considered when correlating the information. Sad to say, according to this ‘definitive information’ that we haven’t come as far in the struggle to find equality and common strengths among the sexes as we thought or hoped. The one finding that is clear and hasn’t changed much is that our children are much better off when they are involved in a family that has two parents contributing to the upbringing of their kids. Isn’t that the mark we should be striving for? How do we make that happen instead of doing all this ‘dumb ass’ ‘research about how worse off our children might be. Isn’t it enough to know that our kids don’t do as well in single-parented homes no matter who is the single parent. Might we be better off and might our kids be better off as well if the prospective parents got a grip on themselves and actually thought through why they were getting married prior to ‘tying the knot’? How about asking “Is this partner that I have chosen really my best choice”? “Am I really ready to get married or am I looking to escape into another world that seems better than the one I am currently occupying”? “Is this partner really ready for family life or are we just hoping that when we mature or settle down some things will change and we’ll be great parents”?
Parents are the ones who need to shoulder the responsibility for how their kids turn out. Let’s stop blaming all the ‘nasty’ things that are going on in the world as being the culprits. Perhaps they are just really poor parents who really don’t care all that much. Perhaps they are so selfish that they can’t see what they are or are not doing to their kids. My advice to young parents today: grow a pair and perhaps for the first time, ever, place your kids ahead of yourselves and provide them with the leadership, awareness, the life lessons, and the love and care they deserve. I am not talking about buying their attention with ‘stuff’ but rather demonstrating, on a consistent basis, that they, the kids, are the most important thing in the lives of their parents each and every day.
Grandparents get asked to ‘watch’ the little ones. Nannies are hired, 10 year old brothers and sisters are asked to look after their younger brothers and sisters until one of the parents gets home from work. It is deplorable that a little kid gets to be responsible for the life and well being of another human being who is 3 or 4 years old. That 10 year old needs to be out playing sand lot baseball or riding his/her bike around the neighbourhood having FUN and not ‘babysitting’.
If you are parents and reading this rant, and it is my rant, and you can honestly say that you are among those I have described who are doing a great job as a parent–good for you. If you are not able to say with any degree of honesty that this is who you are-shame on you. Why have kids in the first place if you are not going to commit to making them the most important factor in your life-your #1 priority.
I’m done now.
Anyway, that’s how I see things.
All the best, and thanks for stopping by–Jim
Please pass this along to family and friends. If you have a comment to make send it to me at either jimcloughley.com OR firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: photo resource used in this article used for education, research, or criticism purpose only. Photo credit to madamenoire.com. I derive no financial gain from the use of this photo.