Over the course of time I have worked in this field I have worked with gay couples, older couples, younger couples, racially mixed couples, previously divorced couples, couples with blended families and whomever that leaves. The conventional wisdom suggests that counsellors at some time would ask the individuals to describe their view of what a relationship is and what does it take to make it successful. So off they go talking about the importance of trust, a similar sense of humour, similar likes and dislikes, respect, love, the need for acceptance of whom each is but seldom does either party mention the one element–the one statement that is vital to a relationship if there is going to be any harmony and joy. It doesn’t mean that a relationship couldn’t be created and functioning but it does mean that that 5% or so that many hold back gets committed as well–it’s ALL IN TIME and for some that’s hard to do.
Never having been female I can’t speak to what females feel or value outside of what conventional wisdom dictates. But I can state that in my opinion the male ego is likely the most “fragile” of all. The one thing most important to a man is to know that someone, hopefully his partner, believes in him. Sounds too simple to be true and yet there it is. When we look at the list of “ingredients” many women have that would describe a great relationship this “ingredient” is usually not there. How difficult is it then to develop a sense of trust in someone if you don’t believe in who he is or what he does or how he does it. Believing in someone means that we trust that person to do the right things; that he will keep his family provided for and safe no matter what happens; that he will “take the bullet” for the family because that is what a man does. A partner believes in his talent and skills as a man to do what needs to be done.
Now before anyone blows up here think about the next time that limb over the house needs to be trimmed back. Whose the likely candidate to grab the chain saw and climb the thirty feet to the top to trim the tree. He needs to feel that his loved one or ones believe he’ll get the job done–that he has the skills and the courage to get the job done because he is who he is.
It is difficult to move ahead and to succeed without someone telling us that they believe in us and that they have faith we can do whatever we want once we decide.
Amanda Marshall, an outstanding Canadian talent says it about as good as anyone when she sings I Believe In You. Take the time to listen to this great song to understand the full meaning of what I’m trying to say.
Anyways, that’s how I see things–all the best, Jim
Please let me hear from you about your feelings on this topic. send them to me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
(Photo image by islandweddingservices.com–used for education, research and/or criticism purposes only. I derive no financial benefit from the use of this image)