Last week I put out 5 good suggestions that hopefully were discussed and possibly tried out. It does get right down to this: would you rather spend all of your time arguing or trying to ‘drive home a point’ or would you rather spend more time enjoying your partners company and spending quality time with your family with less tension in the air all the time? With both parents working, as is often the case nowadays, do you really want to put your energy resources into remaining angry or upset. This is the one where you walk around with an edge on or worse yet putting out the silent treatment just because he won’t do this or say that? That’s hard work and it is draining trying to maintain that negative mindset. Wouldn’t you rather relax knowing that your partner looks forward to returning home at the end of the day to be with his/her family. The choice is yours or can be yours if that’s what you want.
Here are the next five items from the collection of tried and true suggestions for getting along with each other and understanding each other better.
6. This one, and I truly don’t understand why-I really don’t, still causes grown people to get upset with the other when ‘he’ doesn’t put the seat down when he is done. I guess that doesn’t always happen for the same reasons you don’t put it UP when YOU are done. This is sort of like the goose an gander thing to me.
7. If we see that you are not feeling right about something or that it seems you have a concern about something and we ask ‘what’s wrong’ and you respond by saying ‘nothing’ then that’s good enough for us. We are not likely going to push it. You had your chance to state your piece and you said ‘nothing’. Don’t come back at us later accusing us of not caring. We are not mind readers and you don’t have a crystal ball for a head.
8. We think of hair rollers, fuzzy slippers, old terry cloth housecoats, crap all over your face and knee highs as natural birth control devices. Remember. Men are creatures of fantasy and this get-up will kill that moment in a heartbeat. (And gents. Don’t walk around with three days worth of growth on your face (unless you are trying to be trendy) with dirt under your finger nails, yellow stained teeth, bad breath, old pants with holes in the ass held together or up with an old belt that should have seen the bone yard eons ago and wonder why she doesn’t want to have anything to do with you in the bedroom–or anywhere else for that matter).
9. At the very least try treating us as well as you would treat your friends. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, men are often treated as a fifth wheel while a friend often gets the best of what you have to give at any time. You tend to laugh with them and treat them with respect and manners going by all the normal social rules of interaction. Husbands often get what is left over when you are tired or just plain don’t feel like being nice to anyone. Why? I don’t know but I know it happens more than it should. Perhaps it is because we, men, are supposed to ‘understand’ and that makes it all OK somehow. I can only say–it doesn’t.
10. We don’t have ‘toys’–we have ‘hobbies’. The old saying ‘boys and their toys’ isn’t a very accurate explanation for what keeps us engaged in stuff other than work. These activities are almost always designed to bring out the competitiveness in us and we love a challenge. Take golf for instance. It is not only set up to play against your friends, those friendly games, but also the course itself. We are competitive by nature so the equipment we purchase–the lessons we take–are all necessary for us to get as good as we can be –that is our ‘hobby’ and our challenge. It’s important to us to satisfy that need to be good at things we take on. The argument could be made that it really is in our DNA–not the golf game but the competitiveness.
Hopefully you will make the time and create the opportunity to talk about some of these suggestions with your partners. You may be surprised by some of the insights you gain with little effort. Men often treat those around them as they are treated. That’s just who we are and how we do our business.
If you find this useful or perhaps helpful for a friend please send it along.
NEXT WEEK I’LL FINISH UP THE HIGHLIGHTS FROM THIS LIST SO STAY TUNED. DON’T BE AFRAID TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT OR SOMETHING NEW–JIM