Two Oceans Meeting Each Other–Photographer Unknown To Me
I’m a guy who doesn’t believe in coincidence. I believe that things happen for a reason and that they are opportunities I can learn from to use at a time to come. I meet particular people at particular times because they have something to tell me or I have/know something that they need to learn from me. We either stay connected or we each move on because the contact and exchange has been made.
Such is the case with relationships which can be either spiritual, personal or professional. How successful they are depends on how open we are to learning or hearing new information.
I have come to understand that the world is governed by two basic means. Those means are either by macro management or by micro management. Macro management would be undertaken by world forces, political groups, movements directed by a critical mass of people for a common cause–Greenpeace comes to mind or the opposition to the Vietnam War and how a critical mass of anti-war folks were able to change the course of the US military involvement. Micro managing, then, recognizes what we each do each day to exist, to produce, to continue the species–basically to ensure that the world keeps turning so that the macro guys can keep doing what they do. Is it ideal? I don’t think so. Is there a better system or way? I’m sure there is but we have not figured that part out yet.
One of the most important micro managing undertakings is learning how to, effectively, communicate with each other. How do we get our individual needs met in a relationship and be sure that ‘the other person’ is getting their needs met as well? The 2 lists I mentioned above are specifically intended for the use of people who are in a personal relationship and may be struggling a bit to try to understand the ‘other person’ so that a state of harmony is more of a reality than an expectation. The health, well being, stability, strength and prosperity of our families, homes and communities is at risk here and we need to get this right.
So the two lists that I have posted below are here because I feel they represent the essence of what we need to understand about each other. Wouldn’t you rather get along with each other and exist in some sort of state of happiness, satisfaction, understanding and peace? I take no credit for the first one. I came across it quite by accident. Actually I wrote a post previously about this one but have had folks ask me to publish it again and it fit perfectly with the theme of this article. The second list is one that I put together from things I have learned along my way from important others who passed in and out of my life for the sole purpose of giving me their wisdoms.
This list was written primarily for the benefit of men. As men in an ever-changing world we need our counterparts to say what they need to say in clear basic terms. The more words that are spoken the more confusing it becomes which leaves us wondering how to respond.
‘Nine most important words or phrases spoken by women’:
1. FINE-this is used to end a discussion or argument when women are right and need us to shut up and move on.
2. FIVE MINUTES–we need to understand that five minutes is never five minutes and no matter how long it takes–that’s how long it takes. This is true especially if she is preparing to go out somewhere special. Not always true, however, if there is 5 minutes left in a playoff game that you had wanted to watch all week and she would like you to do something that is important and time sensitive.
3. NOTHING–Look out here gents. Something is building or about to happen and you may just be the target here. NOTHING usually ends up with FINE.
4. GO AHEAD–This is a dare and not permission. The only rational suggestion here is DON’T DO IT
5. A LOUD SIGH–Although is doesn’t sound like a word it is. This is a type of non-verbal communication that basically says she can’t believe what an idiot you are. She just doesn’t get why she is still standing there arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing).
6. THAT’S OK–This is typically one of the most dangerous statements that she can make. It means that she will think long and hard about how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. THANKS–She is thanking you for something you have done. Don’t question it–just say “you’re welcome” and move on quickly. If, however, ‘thanks’ is followed by ‘a lot’ then you are in deeper than you want to be and don’t, under any circumstances, follow that with’you’re welcome’. If you do you will likely find out quickly’ what ‘whatever’ really means–that’s #8.
8. WHATEVER–This one is easy to get. It means–‘just take a freakin’ ride’
9. DON”T WORRY ABOUT IT, I’VE GOT IT–After repeated attempts to get you to do something and you have yet to get started, this is she saying she’ll do it herself. If you get here and ask her what’s wrong you will find it is not far to #3 and you know how the rest is likely to go.
This list is written primarily for women hopefully to help them understand a bit more about us (men) and why we do/think/say what we do.
1. If you don’t want to hear the answer then please don’t ask the question.
2. At the very least, try treating us as well as you treat your friends.
3. If you feel you really need to know then ask but remember #1 is still in play
4. If we walk away, it’s because we need time to think and not because we don’t care. Leave us alone and we’ll get back to you.
5. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Let’s keep it simple.
6. If you want the friggin’ seat down then learn to put it up when YOU are done.
7. If we ask ‘what is wrong’ and you say nothing, that’s good enough for us–see #5
8. Please. If you feel you are carrying a couple of extra pounds you probably are. Don’t expect us to lie if we are asked and then question our honesty.
9. If we are going to have words, let’s be sure that we both get to use them and not at the same time.
10.We think of hair rollers, fuzzy slippers, old terry cloth house coats and knee-highs as natural birth control devices.
I recognize that these lists don’t take into consideration all the things that we may want or need to enjoy a satisfying relationship but it’s a good start. Besides, two things are likely to happen if our relationships are strong and healthy: our children will learn from our example and we are likely to have fewer single parented homes.
Anyways, that’s how I see it
All the best, Jim
As always your opinions and comments are most welcome. Please contact me at jamescloughley.com OR firstname.lastname@example.org
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