After having a conversation this week with someone who, let’s say, doesn’t buy into the idea that much of male behaviour is innate, I feel I made enough points to at least cause this lady to re-evaluate some of her thinking on why men are definitely different than women due to nature and has little to do with nurture. This is a discussion that I refuse to concede. I asked this lady how does the nurture argument explain how many in the animal kingdom just seem to know instinctively how to do certain things. For instance how do animals, like squirrels, remember where food has been hidden, how do birds know how to build nests for their young never having done that before? There are fish that return year after year to spawning grounds, whales that seem to remember the underwater highways of thousands of miles to get to where they birth their young. But the ones that amaze me the most are the flyers–the birds who travel south for thousands of miles for the first time in their lives to migrate and then come home at a determined time by a similar route never having flown those sky-ways previously either? And butterflies. They have a brain the size of a grain of sand and a life span of weeks and yet the monarch butterfly is able to travel thousands of miles and back just once in their lives without the benefit of having made the trip previously. I understand they have a different life cycle which explains a bit of this phenomenon but the fact remains they fly right to their roosting grounds in Mexico or Southern California without the benefit of a roadmap or a GPS. How do they do that? So it is, I believe, that we, as humans-male and female, also have certain qualities that are gifted to us by genetics. There are gifts that women come into this world with and the same goes for males. It is why I truly believe that young men need a strong male role model to learn from because there are certain male characteristics and messages that only one male can explain to another male. Just as I could never begin to understand what it is to live the life of a single mom who struggles with trying to make sense of a world where their sons seem to be lost, troubled and without a sense of hope when they can’t talk to another male about what is going on inside them.
My book called : “A Man’s Work Is Never Done: A Novel About Mentoring Our Sons” would help to explain some of this especially for single moms. Check it out at: jimcloughley.com or send me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Summer Workshops and Small Group Discussions:
I am interested in booking some small group discussions around the topic of how our educational system could have an impact on our kids mental health and what we need to do to begin to change this trend. For once it’s up to us to do something and not the systems that are supposed to serve us. We still can exercise some control and influence in the system.
This Weeks Parenting Tip: Helicopter Parents–Why They Do It:
Helicopter parenting can develop for a number of reasons. Here are four common triggers.
Fear of dire consequences
A low grade, not making the team, or not getting a certain job can appear disastrous to a parent, especially if it seems it could be avoided with parental involvement. But, says Deborah Gilboa, M.D., founder of AskDoctorG.com, “many of the consequences [parents] are trying to prevent–unhappiness, struggle, not excelling, working hard, no guaranteed results–are great teachers for kids and not actually life-threatening. It just feels that way.”
Feelings of anxiety
Worries about the economy, the job market, and the world in general can push parents toward taking more control over their child’s life in an attempt to protect them. “Worry,” Dr. Daitch says, “can drive parents to take control in the belief that they can keep their child from ever being hurt or disappointed.”
Adults who felt unloved, neglected, or ignored as children can overcompensate with their own children. Excessive attention and monitoring are attempts to remedy a deficiency the parents felt in their own upbringing.
Peer pressure from other parents
When parents see other overinvolved parents, it can trigger a similar response. “Sometimes when we observe other parents overparenting or being helicopter parents, it will pressure us to do the same,” Dr. Daitch says. “We can easily feel that if we don’t immerse ourselves in our children’s lives, we are bad parents. Guilt is a large component in this dynamic.”
That’s it for this week–send this along to a friend or family
All the best, Jim